Sunday, April 25, 2010

Section, Row, Seat

My brother-in-law offered us his tickets to Friday night's game between the Houston Astros and the Pittsburgh Pirates. Being as I was not planning on working the weekend, I jumped at the offer and had a great night of baseball with just the boys, me and my son Russ.

Since Cindy, my wife & Russ' mom decided not to go, we had the choice of all four seats. Called a good friend of mine that had recently moved just north of Houston, but he and his wife couldn't make it. Maybe another time.

Figured we could spread out if we wanted to just in case there was some big guy sitting in front of us and we needed the angle...which worked out good, since there was a couple of big guys sitting in front of us.

Which leads me to the seat sizes. Now these seats were field seats, yet in the outfield. The area is known as the in real terms not the Field Level seating but the Bullpen. I guess the seats in the Bullpen area are about 4 inches more narrow than those in the 'real' Field Level seating area because I had to hold my cell phone in my hand all night due to the fact that my body mass wouldn't allow the cell phone to remain. No, my shirt didn't have any pockets either.

Speaking of body mass. I recently had an appointment with the specialist doctor that would determine the permanent impairment to my shoulder from the injury I experienced last May. The good doctor did analyze and project me to be 1% permanently impaired. Reckon I will have to live with the pain in the shoulder and the slap in the face description he alluded to in his summary, and I quote:

"I examined Mr. Chambers, a 56 year old white male who appears to be fully developed and well nourished...."

Fully developed AND well nourished?? What are you trying to say doc...just spit it out. Geeze.

After finding our seats in Section 154, Row 6, Seats 19-20-21-22 and finishing watching the visiting team take batting practice, which is always fun since it's almost as good as watching the home run derby prior to the All-Star games, we knew it was going to be a good night.

Section 154 is a pretty good area to catch a fly ball during batting practice we soon found out.

Weather was perfect in Houston last Friday. They began to open the roof in preparation of the evening's game which always is followed by Friday Night fireworks, especially if it's Friday and weather permits.

Incidentally, lots of folks from other areas of the stadium, found their way to Section 154 after the game to get the good seats that were emptied for the fireworks.

But now I must tell you about the guy behind us.

The guy in Section 154, Row 7, Seat 24.

The aisle seat...with a microphone.

Do you have a stereo system in your car or truck that adjusts automatically with the road noise as you drive? Then you will understand this part of the story.

This individual proceeded to drown out all the other noises of the game within a radius of about 42.5 feet. Literally, the couple of big guys sitting in front of us, reacted to the sound of his voice.

Now it may have been the fact that in order to talk to his buddy next to him, he had his sound projection orifice or pie hole...pointed in our general direction.

Which is probably a good thing, because if he was looking the other direction, I am certain the Astros pitching staff would of had the guy removed due to the obnoxious level of sound emitting from this guy. The Astros bullpen was just a few feet away and I am sure the echo of his voice would of been deafening like yelling into a canyon or towards a mountain range...had he been facing that direction.

He was obviously a fan of the game. Everyone around us knew that he was involved in a fantasy baseball league and had been for years and in essence kept the same group of 'team owners' in their group to keep it interesting and most of the group was from his work and only a few from outside of work and that he without sounding like a know it all had won at LEAST 60% or 65% of all his games which is the best by far to date....

Then he started talking about the NFL draft that was happening this weekend and how all the players and teams were going to benefit from the choices while in between the short gasps of oxygen he needed to continue his self proclaimed position of color analyst he was giving a play by play of what was happening on the field of the game we were all trying to watch.

Man oh man what I would give for the mute button...

It was almost comical listening to this guy talk and pound his chest in sharing his knowledge of the game while expounding on the strengths and weaknesses of each player.

I was thinking of getting him some popcorn to see if he could eat and talk at the same time, but then it wouldn't have been fair to the lady that was sitting right in front of him and his sound booth. To have the smaller particles of uneaten popcorn spewing into her hair and her adult beverage as he would have surely choked on with the speed of singular conversing that was taking place.

But he did have the matching seat.

Row 7 Seat 24. He must of thought it meant being able to talk 24 / 7 about sports in general.

Fortunate for us and the rest of the peanut gallery, he and his buddy left to go somewhere else. They were gone for at least 2 or 3 innings.

Totally pleasant it was. Then they returned. With a vengeance.

Russ was sensing my ire and asked to go get something to eat around the 7th inning stretch. Gladly my boy, gladly. Let us walk until we find the finest personal pizza we can discover at the ballpark and we did.

Upon our return, the sound machine was gone and hoping against hope, never to return. We re-captured our seats and watched the end of the game.

Pirates 3
Astros 4

The Friday night fireworks show was worth the price of admission.

Even with the talk show we experienced, we Americans still are able to enjoy the freedom of speech. I just need to have access to the mute button every once in a while.

Thanks to my brother-in-law for the tickets and the wonderful seats. It was a night to remember.


  1. Hello my fully developed and well nourished friend. I guess the doc was saying Cindy feed you good! I saw your article in the pares and I am bursting with pride and joy. I told my husband to bring it back home from work so I could send it to Jess but he forgot and threw it away.
    It's the last 2 weeks of school and I will be graduating in August. I'll be glad to get this part of my life over so I can write something. Thanks for adding my blog.

  2. Hey Jake, Does well nourished mean the same as fat bastard?