Humor Me

It was just one of those opportune times where the guy on the other end of the phone had set himself up perfectly for one of my patented retorts...and feeling generous, I gave him just what I thought he deserved.

Coming home from my monthly appointment with my shoulder doctor, I got broad sided by a Texas sized hunger pang or pain....your preference here, kind of like poe-tay-toe or puh-tah-toe...but back to being hungry and wanting a pizza with everything on it...and the story unfolded like this.

Found the number for this particular pizza shop who in my honest opinion makes the best pizza this side of the Louisiana border here in Texas and dialed them up.

Ring. Ring.

PIZZA GUY: Hello, this is Dave and thank you for calling your favorite pizza making place. Would you like to try one of our special large all meat pizzas for the low low price of....

ME: No, not today thanks, what I want is one of your large with everything on it pizzas...

PIZZA GUY: OK sir, you gonna want that with jalapenos?

ME: No, no jalapenos...just everything else.

PIZZA GUY: What type of crust you want on your pizza? regular, thin, pan ......

ME: Regular...just make it regular please.

PIZZA GUY: Will you be wanting any dips, drinks, or bread sticks with your order today?

ME: No, just the large pizza with everything on it.

PIZZA GUY: OK sir, we have one large pizza with the works, regular crust and no extra dips, drinks, or bread sticks...will that complete your order?

ME: Yes, that's it.

PIZZA GUY: ...and how will you be paying for your order? Cash?

ME: No, I will paying with my debit card...

PIZZA GUY: .....and what type of card is it?

here it comes....now mind you this guy has a manner of speaking, his voice was so clear and concise..great enunciation, things were rolling right along, but when he asked me what type of card it was....my first response was simply...

ME: It's plastic..... (even my wife cringed on that reply......) oh you mean the type...Visa.

his silence pretty much let me know either or eye-ther, he didn't get the humor or wasn't in the mood for me and my hunger quenching quest of word play.

PIZZA GUY: Can I have the number please?

ME: No......., I will give it to you when I get there.

PIZZA GUY: ......sooo you're gonna pick this up?

Don't you think he would of asked .....Pick up or delivery.... way back when we first began this conversation about the type of pizza and the crust? He even had asked for my phone number and with all the caller-ID programs there are out there, he even knew who I was, where I lived, and probably the history of all the pizzas we had purchased in years past.....

I fully intended on apologizing to Dave when I got to the pizza place, but he was waist deep with another phone order when I got there with my plastic Visa debit card....

..trying to find a discount for the large pizza order that was coming in...the rolling of his eyes, the grip on the phone, and the body language told me to think again...after all he still had my large, regular crust pizza with everything on it well within his reach.........his humor-less, having to deal with public phone ordering, minimum pay, if you wanted a cheap pizza why don't you call the cheap pizza store....... reach.

Dave won that round today and I can only imagine the eye roll he gave me, when I laid the 'plastic' answer on him.....glad he wasn't the one making my pizza.